KK

Well School holidays didn't go so well...they started boring and got worse. Which is unlikely to occur twice. But yes my friends decided that a camping trip would be fun and so those who could go went and those who could, didn't. I was able to go until my parents chucked a hissy and said i had to stay with them at out beach house (located on the other side of caloundra). So I informed my friends of these sad tidings but bargained with my parents that it was unfair to keep me locked up and moping around for the rest of the holidays. On the Tuesday my dad drove me to their camp site. I had made them dinner (as requested), brought them ice (as requested) and waited more than 10-15 minuets outside the complex juggling all of the above plus my daily utensils. When they finally arrive to show me back to their site all i got was a 'they' in a slightly bored tone with lack of energy for someone who had been living on natella and fresh food. I decided there was no point in me getting upset about the fact they weren't very welcoming and i sat in the corner trying to talk to people but they seemed more interested in the football team across the lot. I thought it was all ok until another friend arrived and they all raced out to her asap because they thought she might have been standing out there for ages!!!! Gee wiz! well I still didn't not show my displacement until they all introduced her to their man friends (football friends) and i was left to the side. Now you cant say there is nothing wrong with that! It wasn't long before my father called and said he was on his way. So i said goodbye to everyone even though I was crushed with there lack of friendship. I told them I would come back on the Thursday and so I did. But this time however I had to walk the 1 1/2 hour trip to their camp and was yet again ingorned and left out. Some people talked to me a bit but you could tell something was up and i wanted to burst out in tears, I felt so uncomfortable....So I faked that my mum wanted me home and I almost ran the 1 1/2 hour walk home. I wanted to just stop and cry, but them all the people around would stare at me. My holidays were ruined. I thought they were friends. I thought they were always upbeat nice people, but all they cared about was getting with guys and reciting "wades" funny quotes from the previous night. When I got home I ran to my room and grabbed my beach towel and togs and bolted down to the beach where I later fell asleep. In the mid evening I got a MSG from one of the girls saying "I happened to noticed the cuts on your legs. Whats all that about". So I explained the fact I have dry skin from the harsh whether which was affecting my exam and when i scratch my legs it leaves small scratches. After going in the water (salt water) the scratches got irritated and all sore. the reply's after my message consisted of "come on tell us the truth" and "haha your funny now tell us the truth" but I really was telling the truth and she wouldn't believe me.
When school began again I acted as if nothing had hurt me as much as they did. I tried to be as friendly as possible. Until one day in math’s I was doing so good I felt so good that day cause I had done so much work which was abnormal for me and then disaster struck. The girl beside me tapped me on the shoulder and said "look". As I looked up one of my so called friends was staring at me with another group of girls and they looked like they were giggling. So I quickly shoved my head back into the books. Yet again I wanted to scream and cry and i don't know run away. Later one of the girls who was sitting with her told me that she thought I had been death staring her and I thought that was utterly self obsessed of her (I know that mean to say but that's true). Everyone has to have a break during class and look up from their books, after all she was doing it to...she was looking at me that's the same thing. I knew she would go tell the other and from previous things they have blamed me for...none of them have trust in me when they say trust is the best thing in friendship. So I went and sat with another group! They are nice and welcoming, not judgmental, not racist; don't need material objects and boys to make them happy. I sent my ex-group a MSG explaining why I had left and I explained to one of them partly that I didn't like sitting with them. I thought It was all fine until I was sending one of them (who i thought was nice) a MSG on myspace and as i sent it her other msgs were shown below. There was a few from the girl who said I was death staring her saying "At least shes not our problem anymore". I had to freeze and stop typing on my computer....I was a problem. So I sent the girl a MSG too explaining that she had it all wrong and that I wasn't death staring her and if I was I didn't mean it. I usually stare off into space. But she continued to tell the other girl she was sick of me and so I began to feel sick. The next day at school, they were in all my classes and I could hear them gossiping about me and others came up to me telling me what they had been saying...that I was an attention seeker! that I was a syco! that I lie!!!! I couldn't believe these people, these girls who I once thought were friends, were basically backstabbing me. I asked one of them via text MSG why they were saying all this mean stuff about me and she said I had to come see them. So I did and as I got to the group table half got up and walked away and the others just placed there head face down on the table or looked away so I just left and went back to the group I was sitting with. They kept msging me and asking where I was but I was so so so so i dunno that I just said "anywhere" and "everywhere". I wasn't going to talk to them if they were going to be so bitchy and rude. That afternoon I went to choir and then to my bf's (who took me out to dinner). I tried not to show that I was upset and hurt but he noticed straight away. So I told him what had happened. When I got home I had barely got to the front door when my parents bombarded me and yet again those girl had stepped in my life, in fact they had jumped in and stampeded on my life. This time they had gone to see the year level coordinator and told her I had been harming myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over the weekend I got reflux and was so sick I couldn't eat nor sleep. I stayed home Monday cause I felt so ill and Tuesday had to go cause of a religion excursion. After the excursion I went to the coordinator and told her the story and showed her my legs (my mother has the same type of problem with her legs as well). She organized for me to go see the counselor on the Wednesday and she said she would update her with my current bullying. That evening I called my bffl and we had a long talk. A we were talking a MSG from my bf came through my phone saying "babe I don't want to scare you but someone has told me u wrote a suicide letter last term". It turned out one of the girls from my ex-group had been txting him during the day trying to persuade him that I was a liar. He kept asking me if I lie to him and I never had, I’d always told him everything even things they didn't know. He didn't text back and I got so worried I was so anxious and I couldn't stop crying I thought he was going to leave me. I got less than an hour sleep that night. He txted me back in the morning explaining that he had fallen asleep and that he would never think twice about our relationship and he always believed me. I was so happy that he believed me but the fact she had been saying all those things just brought me to tears. I went to school and saw the councilor who helped me a lot and she gave me a lot of advice to help me through all this trauma. Id stayed away from the internet over the weekend but I watched as they posted 'some people are just fcuks' on the previous Friday night with many more similar to come and explained that to the coordinator and councilor. I wanted them to stop hurting me like this, It is just cruel. I was told that they knew they had ignored me on the holidays and only one of them said sorry. I was told they didn't bitch about me but through the rumors and msgs that was obviously not true. They say they trusted everyone in our group yet they blame me for everything and even though I knew I was right that time I beat myself up mentally because of it. Now that's not what friends do o each other. Friends should be there for one another and I know I was always there for them when they needed help. I never told their secrets and I never will. But to have them turn their backs on you and say they never did that well I guess I made the right decision when I moved groups. I don't like the fact they have told people about me and everywhere I walk I get stares.
Since then a few more incidents have occurred where I have been intimidated at work, which I quit not along after. I have been yelled at walking home from school, my boyfriend has had rude things posted of him over facebook, and I endure everyday in their classes and listen to their chatter, watch their stares, and hear about stories from people. A friend told me recently that they approached her and questioned why I she was friends with me…now have they really stooped so low as to take away all the friends I cherish and love to be around every day, because they are who have kept me sane these past months.
My boyfriend and I have decided that if anything happens again were talking everything to the police…the school won’t do anything about it so it’s in our hands to save ourselves from going insane cause were all each other has when we need a friend.
but I want them to know, where ever I go I have someone and I am happy without them, I have found myself and I don't need to lie to get somewhere In life because I know who I am and you can’t tell me that I can’t be like that because you don't control me anymore and the things you say and stories you make up won’t last long because the truth always finds a way. It is now 6 months since this whole thing began and I am still recovering but I shall keep recovering as long as it takes me.