All that work and what did it get me,

Why did i do it,

Scrapbooks full of me in the background,

Give them love and what does it get ya,

What does it get you,

One quick look as each of them leave you,

All your life and what does it get you,

Thanks a lot and out with the gargabe,

They take bows and your back in zero,


Toss them alside as if you dont care if you WISH

Dance

So when the night falls,
My lonely heart calls.

Oh! I wanna dance with somebody.

I wanna feel the HEAT with somebody.

Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody,

With somebody who loves me.

Place

If you want to be put in your place come to me,
I need to say things to you that might hurt you
but i know right now i am the only one that can open your eyes so you can see how much you have hurt people,
If i do this i hope you will be put back in you place,

I know that you read this blog and when you do i want you to know that if you want to know how much you have hurt people or just want to go back to being the loving person that you were before.....

Come to me and i promise that i will put you back. If you can't talk at school text me and i will call you as that might be easier for you.

My life would suck without you!!!

Im too young to worry...
Is it wrong to be worried and scared and anxious and angry and sad all at the same time. Im not depressed...I just made the biggest mistake of my life...well technically not me but the outcome of what happened could ruin my America trip, my Greece trip and the relationship I have with everyone I love. I am so scared and I wont know the truth for a while so I have to try hold my sanity together at the same time as getting ready for exams and holidays. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want this to ruin anyone else s life!!!!

KK
xoxo
over and out

Missing you

where are you, I need you??
Is it to late to say i miss the old you

Well......

I MISS THE OLD YOU.

You use to be like me, didn't care about what people thought,
Now it feels as though a part of you has gone and i don't like it,
( Oh who have i heard that from)

Where is the old you that i could have fun with and we could do whatever and we didn't care.

I Miss her

Before i could count on you to be there for me and I was able to have fun with you but now i can't find her when i really need her the most.

All i can do is think about how life was like before
I was crazy and weird and i liked it.
Promise me that if i return to you, that you will return to me.

Life is a prayer, and i am praying that you return soon.

One truth down.... Two to go.

I just hope that this person wont judge me for telling the truth.

Lying

I have got to stop lyin....

I lie to you all the time and you dont know it,
I lie cause i don't think you could handle the truth,
I lie as i don't think you could handle the real me,
I lie to protect you from hurting,
I lie as i know people cant handle me telling them the truth,

Whenever someone asks me if i am ok or happy....... i lie,
I sugar coat it
blow things off as if i am ok with it
I never say what i want to say as i am always thinking about their feelings

I tell you a lie to make YOU feel better, to make it seem as if am ok.
I know if People ask me if i am ok with something, i say yes as i know that is the answer that they are wanting,
I make my life crap for the sake of my friends are having a better one.

If anyone has asked me an important question this week or over this year, i think you need to ask me again and this time ask me for my true feelings towards it.

I need to slop this,
I am making my life miserable and making myself angry for not telling the truth to anyone,

Over the past two days, three people have asked me questions and everytime times i have lied to them just to make them feel better. I am trying to weight up the pro's and con's of telling the truth and even though the con's list is longer.....
I know for me it is the right thing to do.

I didn't tell you all the truth as i know you are broken and i am not sure if you can handle me saying this.
Just don't hate me or yell at me just know that i as a person need to do this. I know i will be nervous to tell the truth but i think for you it will in the future make you a better person.

Lying only makes problems, i should know i have told more lies this year than truths

<3

Odette......


Just want you to know that i love you and that i will always be there for you like you were to me today.

X

People say

if you want something so much , that you should fight it......

but in this case the thing i want i have to let go

KK

changing

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my head and my heart on the bedroom floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna be known as a whore!
I left my head and my heart on the bedroom floor.


I love it how i can change the lyrics to fit in with people lives....

I chatted to someone yesterday and she put things in perspective for me……

I understand and it is in my head.

I do really.

I am not just saying this to make things go back to normal but so that you know and we can stop this tenseness that I see.

I always knew that’s what you would eventually want but me being selfish kept pushing you and didn’t put your problems into what I did or said. In your letters you say that you pushed me, when I actual fact I was the one pushing you. Therefore this doesn’t make me the ‘good guy’ in this story but instead you get this role. I get the ungrateful, pushy bitch that makes life complicated role instead.

And For this I am SORRY.

Anyway the main message for this is to explain to you that I understand, everything has sunk in and I am ok with that. You know that I will always be there for you no matter what but I need you to talk to me again. I feel as though I have done something to make you feel this way. People tell me that it isn’t me but instead that you are just stressed but I totally don’t believe them.

By posting this blog I am sorry for bringing it up again and for that I am sorry. I know it is hard to talk about but I really want you to know this……….

I am not sure the next time you will read this or even if you will but I needed a way to say this and hopefully you would eventually read this.

Xx

Everybody says...Time means everything.

1. Get a B on accounting Exam
2. Think of a present for Jono
3. Get a Job!
4. Finish Chemistry Assignment
5. Get a B on english oral
6. Don't FAIL!!!
7. Save for Greece, America and anti-schoolies
8. Buy a dress for graduation on topshop
9. All I want is a miracle!
10. Buy a piggi bank
11. Buy another Canvas
12. Start paintings again
13. SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SO NO ONE HERES ME
14. GET ANGRY AT JONO...ACTUALLY GET ANGRY
15. make panecakes
16. make banana cake
17. Buy something for myself
18. Get some new clothes...ones that will actually fit me
19. Find someone who wont forget about me!
20. Dye hair redish brown
21. Buy another black and white photo and frame it
22. Buy a fluffy pillow (A BIG ONE)
23. Buy some sexy lingerie
24. Start up a sport
25. GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
26. RUN AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Things i have leant......

1. That your family will always love you no matter what
2. That cause someone has hurt you, doesn't mean that you should hurt yourself back
3. That you should always put your education at the top of teh list as that is your future
4. That sometimes it is a good thing to keep things to yourself and to not tell others even if you think it is the right decision
5. Life will get better in the end
6. That drama and problems are everywhere
7. That we all have that one or two people we can always count on to make you feel good about yourself
8. That my friends will always be there and i will always be there for them.

oh! never
shall sun that morrow see

If you fall for me, I'm not easy to please

I WISH I COULD JUST HIT YOU AND WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is a mystery
Everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home

These four lines sum up life

HURT

I wish i could hurt you as much as i feel inside
I wish i could punch something just so something knows how i feel
I wish i could run away
I wish i could talk to people about what is annoying me
I wish i could actually talk to you and say what i need to say
I wish i could vanish
I wish i could disapear
i wish i could die

I think if this happens people's life would be so much easier.

So….. Where shall I begin???

First of all I think I need to thankyou to M.

You don’t know who much talking to you has made me feel better. You text me all time asking for updates which makes me laugh. I know you don’t want me to stuff it up like you did and instead to seize the opportunity and I think that I why you are helping me. Even thought I have known you for almost 17 years I never feel as though we would be having this conversation EVER. It is weird that you know me so well, we have only talk 4 times a year but I feel as though you understand me and that is something I need right now.

I feel as though I have lost myself and I can’t remember and can’t find the old me. I use to have my walls up protecting me from danger and as soon as this happens I let them done exposing myself to the danger and you are there to help me. You don’t know how much it means to me that you want to help, M.

I wish that we were this close 3 months ago when I needed you, we both were going through the same topics/problems. I feel as though I need to be there for you as we are both in the same boat and I promise that I will be there for you!!!! Your messages make me laugh and make me love myself and I never though I would get that from you. I knew you were different but I never thought you were like me (2/4). Hopefully it won’t be weird next time I see you, seeing that we both know each others secrets but instead lets us each have someone to talk to about it as we have no one else that we can.

I will be here for you M as I know they don’t understand.

Back to the finding myself…. I think I need to let go of everything and find myself. I never am thinking about what is in it for me but instead what others and what they will gain if I wait. I need to cut these strings that tie me to people and return back to the old me where I didn’t care about people opinion and thoughts. I loved myself then and I know others did to.

Also before i finish this blog i would like to give a shout out to Molly, Thanks for helping out on Friday. You don't know how much i love you.

Xx