Burn Out.

Why is life so hard?

I have been working full-time basically since January this year and everyone said once I started only doing 2 subjects at uni that everything would be easier...but its not...its so incredibly hard to juggle everything. I have deferred 6 months after uni has put me on probation. I missed 2 of my exams last semester due to stupid work. Why would any employer just hire one person to look after their entire accounts receivable by themselves...and leave it all to a uni student!!! I swear I am cracking!!! All I want to do is fake sickies...but I am already sick and my boss keeps getting angry cause I am sick and says I should continue to keep going to the doctor...but I had already been to the doctor and the doctor said to rest...but every time he says that I should go see the doctor...stupid indian!!! has no idea what the hell I am going through...I feel absolutely horrible already that I can't work due to illness and he gets mad at me on top. I hate it I am fed up...all I do is think about work now...what shall I do tomorrow at work? Who do I have to email tomorrow? Oh no I hope I haven't done anything wrong...I will check again tomorrow????!!!!!!! I even dream about work of horrible things I might do wrong...Is that not commitment already...WHAT DO THESE EMPLOYERS WANT 24/7 COMMITMENT...well they have it!!!

Sincerely,

Burnt out student.

How do you love another?

How does one breathe again? I mean how does one move on?

With every thought processing through my mind, moving on seems impossible. It seems like a lifetime.

My stress levels have hit an all time high. I miss you. I crave you. I am sick. I have full time work. I have full time study. But you not here to tell me its alright, you are not here to hold me.

I feel like the breath in my lungs has been sucked from underneath me. You blame me for something I did not do. How am I meant to fix this? I didn't know what I did wrong so I couldn't have told anyone anything, thats all I told that, that I didn't know why. How is it right to be punished for something that isn't capable of doing without knowing? I ask myself this everyday. But I love you. I never stopped loving you. I just can't let you go. But I must...I must figure out who I truly want to love or should love...

He who uses me. I wish you were not so much of a jerk, then maybe I would agree, but you would still use me.

He who wants me. I do not want you anymore. That was a long time ago. I am sick of taking care of you and listening to you whinge day after day you make me depressed and its not healthy.

He who is my dream man. I feel so awkward. We are so awkward since I told you my secret. You rarely talk to me. I know your not a jerk, but you act like we should never talk again. Like all you wanted was a fling.

He who I met 1 week ago. You are sweet, but you smoke. You make me laugh, but you always put yourself down. I feel like a retard talking to you cause I say silly things when I am nervous, all girls do...don't you get that?

I still do not know who!!

Why?

Why do I care?

Why should I care?

Why can't I not care?

Why is this so hard?

Why do you do this?

Why did you do this?

Why can't you see my pain?

Why do you flaunt your happiness?

Why did you use me?

Why don't I see you with other girls?

Why do I feel so isolated?

Why do you treat me like I did something wrong?

Why won't you tell me the truth?

Why doesn't anyone tell me the truth?

Why do I always get the same vague answer which makes no sense at all?

Why did you have to lie to me about good boys?

Why did you take my happiness?

Why can't I enjoy anything anymore?

Why can't I open myself up to anyone else?

Why do I now use people?

Why do I lie to people I don't even care about?

Why don't I care about them?

Why don't you just go to ireland with the drunks short dicks where you belong? LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!!

Why don't you just rip out my heart..it would be less painful?